Survey & belly pic

I am not a skinny person, but C & I can definitely tell that something is there now (where the arrow is pointing!) :)

How far along? 13 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain/loss: down 10 pounds total..
Maternity clothes? I bought a pair of jeans last week and they are HEAVEN! I am waiting for my MIL to hem them because I am a shorty! I bought a shirt yesterday but I don't know if I'll need it for awhile.
Stretch marks? they were there long before I got pregnant!
Sleep: I am waking up more to either a) go to the bathroom or b) because I hate sleeping on my side & it is uncomfortable!
Best moment this week: my birthday on 12/12! We went shopping and had dinner at Red Lobster ( in-laws treated us!)
Movement: pretty sure I felt a couple flutters yesterday when I was listening to the heartbeat with my doppler. I HEARD the baby move around and felt something in my lower abdomen that I know was not gas. It was SO AWESOME!
Food cravings: still loving popcorn. Yesterday I had this overwhelming urge for an icee while we were at Target, but the cherry was out :(
Gender: I think it is a boy. Boys run in C's side of the family, all dreams have been a boy, chinese gender chart says boy. If the u/s tech says we are having a girl I will probably fall off the table!
Labor Signs: nope.
Belly Button in or out? still in.
What I miss: my energy
What I am looking forward to: Christmas and our BIG ultrasound February 5th!! So far away still..
Weekly Wisdom: follow your instincts, they are usually right on!
Milestone: making it to 2nd tri!

2nd tri here I come!

I am so excited to finally be in the 2nd trimester! It feels like such a huge milestone, and I am so grateful to be pregnant! I still have good days and bad days as far as the nausea/vomiting goes. Sometimes it solely depends on what I eat, and other times it just rears its ugly head for no reason. I am okay with it though if it means our little baby is growing!! I am currently down 10 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight. I go to the doctor on December 31, so I'll find out if that is still okay!

In other news, I haven't blogged lately because my laptop died last week! I knew it was coming, it died a slow, horrible death :( C & I have been shopping around and could not find anything in the price range we were looking at ($350 or less). Yesterday we finished all of our Christmas shopping and decided to go to Wal-Mart just to see what they had. I absolutely hate that store but they have the cheapest prices and right now that is what matters! Well, they had a Toshiba Satellite laptop on sale for $299!! SCORE!! I literally did a dance and told the guy helping us that he made my entire Christmas! I am so happy to have a computer again! My hubby & I do not share well since he likes to play video games (alot!).

I am looking forward to Christmas next week!!!

Pregnancy Brain FAIL

I went to Jack in The Box last night because I really wanted some Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges. I had to have them! So, I get to the window and hand the cashier a $5 bill (the total was $4.43). Another girl hands me my food and said something about the cashier will give me my change in a minute. I was so excited about my food that I drove off without my change! Luckily it was only 57 cents! I felt stupid, but the potato wedges more than made up for it! :)

I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes! If I am having a conversation, I just cannot think of the right word to say, or I just totally forget to do stuff! I have a feeling by the time I have this baby, I am going to do a lot more than forget my change at the drive-thru lol

Awesome giveaway by HP!

You need to go check it out as soon as possible!!! This is what she is giving away!

A Brand new HP Touchsmart computer!!! Go to Kelly's Korner Reviews to check it out! You can also go to Jen at My Charming Kids to sign up as well!

11 weeks!

I had my OB check up today. We heard the heartbeat 165bpm!! It was amazing! I've lost 5 pounds since my last appointment, but since I'm already overweight it really isn't a big deal. The doctor said I should try to stay around this weight for another 19 weeks!!!! WHAT? I'll try, but that seems a little crazy to not gain any weight until I'm 30 weeks along. I'm hoping to only gain 10-15 pounds, we will see!! We scheduled our BIG ultrasound for February 5th, 2010 which seems SO far away. I hope the time goes by quickly, I can't wait to find out!

I have noticed that I am starting to have more energy the past week or so. My nausea/vomiting has also lessened (THANK GOODNESS!). I am starting to feel like a human being again ;) I know it is all worth it though to have this baby! My mom bought me a doppler for my birthday and it came in the mail the other day. I have been hearing the heartbeat for a few days, but it was great to get confirmation from the doctor too!

Next appointment is December 31!

9 weeks 5 days

I'm excited I'm almost to 10 weeks! For some reason it just seems a little more exciting to be in double digit weeks. My next appointment is December 2nd, only a week from Wednesday! I hope that we can hear the heartbeat with the doppler that day. I ordered a doppler from Amazon last week. It's from my mom for my birthday (which is December 12th!). I can't wait to get it and use it to hear our little baby!!! Time for the survey, but no picture this week.


How far along? 9 weeks, 5 days!
Total weight gain/loss: down 6 pounds total!
Maternity clothes? not yet!
Stretch marks? they were there long before I got pregnant!
Sleep: Yes please!!
Best moment this week: putting up our Christmas tree! I know it's not baby related, but this is my favorite time of year!
Movement: none that I can feel!
Food cravings: popcorn, and I've had my share over the past few days lol
Gender: no idea
Labor Signs: nope.
Belly Button in or out? still in.
What I miss: what it feels like to not be nauseated 24/7!
What I am looking forward to: Next doctor's appointment Dec. 2, hopefully we will be able to hear the heart beat on the doppler! I'm also looking forward to Thanksgiving!!!
Weekly Wisdom: don't let other moms tell you how you SHOULD feel. Don't they realize every pregnancy/experience is different!?
Milestones: making it to 10 weeks!

Sad day.

I had my first trimester blood work done today. They took 3 vials of blood and I had to pee in a cup for a urine culture. Unless something is wrong, I'll find out in 2 weeks at my next appointment how my labs look. Not too much going on here this week! Still nauseated at times, but the past few days seem to be getting better *knock on wood*.

On a very sad note, I had an extremely rough day at work yesterday. For those of you that don't know, I am an LPN at an assisted living facility. One of the residents went completely unresponsive yesterday and by the time I got to his room his face was blue. I have never seen someone like this in my 3 years of nursing, or 5 years of care-giving before that. Needless to say, I couldn't find a pulse & he wasn't breathing. I had 2 co-workers in there with me (they are medication aides, but CPR certified). I was the only LPN on duty. We called 911 and then started CPR. I have never had to do CPR on someone before, and I hope I NEVER have to do it again. I just had this gut feeling that this poor man was gone before we even started. We worked on him for almost 10 minutes before the paramedics got there. They worked on him for another 45 minutes doing CPR. They were able to shock his heart one time, but it didn't work. They had to intubate him and then they did transport him to the hospital. They worked on him for another 90 minutes there before turning off the life support. This man was 89 years old & one of the sweetest people I have ever known. His poor wife of 62 years is so lost without him. It completely breaks my heart. I have been very emotional since this happened, and I don't think I will be able to get over it anytime soon. Thankfully I don't have to go back to work until Sunday.

I am praying for his family and everyone who loved him.

Belly Pic

How far along? 8 weeks, 4 days!
Total weight gain/loss: not sure, will find out tomorrow at work.
Maternity clothes? not yet!
Stretch marks? they were there long before I got pregnant!
Sleep: I am exhausted constantly.
Best moment this week: Seeing our little baby again!
Movement: none that I can feel!
Food cravings: nothing really sounds good right now.
Gender: no idea
Labor Signs: nope.
Belly Button in or out? still in.
What I miss: feeling like myself! I have been very nauseated and completely exhausted! I am trying out the combination of B6 and unisom to help with the nausea. I took it last night and I slept for about 13 hours. I still feel kind of drowsy today!
What I am looking forward to: Next doctor's appointment Dec. 3, hopefully we will be able to hear the heart beat on the doppler!
Weekly Wisdom: Eat what you can, when you can!
Milestones: seeing the beautiful heartbeat on the ultrasound Wednesday! 170bpm!!

Great 2nd ultrasound!!

We had our dating ultrasound this morning to ensure baby is growing okay. It was AWESOME! The pictures are so crisp and clear. Baby caught up and measured 8 weeks 1 day which is exactly what it should be! The heart rate was 170 (hoping for a girl:)! C & I are just thrilled!!!

Great first appointment!

We had our first appointment & ultrasound this morning. It went great, minus feeling violated! Baby measured 7 weeks exactly, so 3 days behind what I thought. The doctor wants me to go back next week for another ultrasound to make sure the baby is growing properly. Ultrasound quality wasn't great, and this is a picture of the u/s pic taken on my cell phone.

Getting nervous

My first OB appointment is at 8:45 in the morning. I am so excited & nervous all at the same time. Given how I have been feeling, I am pretty certain that our little gummibear is growing strong, but I still have this fear that something will go wrong. I am trying to push those thoughts out of my head and hope for the best. I know it is out of my control and I have to trust that everything will happen the way it is supposed to. I pray that our little baby is safe and sound on the ultrasound tomorrow and that we will see him/her in about 7.5 months!!!

survey!

How far along? 6 weeks, 4 days!

Total weight gain/loss: -2.5 pounds

Maternity clothes? not yet!

Stretch marks? they were there long before I got pregnant!

Sleep: I am exhausted constantly. I cannot get enough sleep!

Best moment this week: Having a couple days off of work to be lazy & sleep!

Movement: none.

Food cravings: anything with cheese!

Gender: I had a very vivid dream last week that we are having a little boy. He looked just like C!

Labor Signs: nope.

Belly Button in or out? still in.

What I miss: feeling like myself! I have been very nauseated and completely exhausted for about a week now.

What I am looking forward to: my 1st doctor's appointment & ultrasound this coming Friday November 6th!

Weekly Wisdom: If you are a mother already, be nice to newly pregnant women. We WILL over-analyze every symptom or twinge that comes up. Remember when you were pregnant for the first time!

Milestones: Making it past 6 weeks (which is when I had my miscarriage last time)!!

Beta #2

was over 3,000. The nurse said it "doubled perfectly". I can't wait until November 6th for our first appointment, and ultrasound!!

5 weeks 1 day

This is me at 5 weeks 1 day pregnant. Now, I know that I am not skinny by any means, but I need a starting point right? Here's hoping I don't end up looking like a whale before this is all said and done! It will be worth it though!

Beta HCG #1

was 1,652!! I had it drawn this morning and the nurse just called to let me know. She said it was "very positive". I go Thursday morning to have my 2nd beta drawn. Praying for it to at least double!!!

Reassurance

The test line came up so fast on this test, and the line is SO dark! I am really thinking/hoping this is our sticky baby!! =)

Change in plans!

I couldn't wait to tell C in person, I ended up calling him Sunday night! I emailed him the picture that I posted on here and then I called him and told him to check his email. He was SO EXCITED!! I am so very excited because he is flying to Indiana today, so our week apart is over! I have missed him so much!! Only a few more hours until I can see him =)

So my due date is June 21, 2010 (for now). I called my doctor's office and they put an order to check my Beta HCG next week when I get home. I am praying that my numbers are normal and that they double! If that checks out well, then my first appointment is for Friday November 6th!! I CAN'T WAIT!! Only my mom and best friend know right now. We aren't going to tell anyone else until I have an ultrasound and see that everything is going well. We may even wait until the 2nd trimester, I'm not for sure. After my miscarriage in March, I just can't go through having to tell everyone that we lost the baby again.

I am praying this is our sticky baby!!!

I didn't see this coming!

I'm in shock! I have been very sick with pharyngitis and an upper respiratory infection for the past 3 days, so I haven't been paying attention to any sign/symptoms that my period was going to start...or not start. I had a short dizzy spell and a little nausea earlier this afternoon and thought maybe I should just take a test. You know, just to be sure. I was completely shocked when it said "Pregnant"!

I am out of town visiting family and I won't see C until Thursday night. I do not want to tell him over the phone, but I don't know how I am going to wait 4 more days. I guess that gives me plenty of time to come up with a cute way to tell him! I am trying not to be overly excited given what happened the last time, but it's hard not to be. I know if it is meant to be then everything will work out fine =)

I can't wait to see C and tell him the great news!!

No need to test.

AF showed up last night when I got home from work. Did I mention I'm a nurse and I wear white pants to work? Not cool. Thank goodness for stain remover. Yesterday was a shitastic day. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband. I sent him a text during the day that said I don't think it worked this cycle. When I got to my car after work there was a card on the steering wheel...it was so sweet. I sat there and cried after I read it. When I got home he had cleaned the house and had dinner ready. He was so sweet to me. He doesn't do things like that very often, so when he does I know he really means it and it is really special.

Maybe this next cycle will end in our sticky BFP. Today is better because I got a king size kitkat bar and had a donut for breakfast =)

Bad day.

Today is my "Monday" back to work. I felt fine when I woke up, ate a couple pieces of toast and came to work(at 5am). Everything was fine until about 8:30am when my stomach started to hurt. Well let me tell ya, being at work for 12 hours with diarrhea and feeling like you are going to vomit is NOT FUN. I texted C and told him I either have a crazy stomach bug (even though today was my first day around people besides C) OR I am pregnant. But really, could I be feeling symptoms like this at 10DPO? In reality, I don't think so. But I keep telling myself JUST MAYBE I am KTFU!!

Either way, I don't feel good. It's all worth it if I am KU, otherwise it needs to go away ASAP.please.thankyou.

Hiking at Mt. Baker

Yesterday C & I went hiking up at Mt. Baker. The weather was about 76 degrees and sunny, not a cloud in the sky. It was the most perfect day to go hiking! We did a 1 mile loop hike at first, then C decided he needed more excitement lol. We climbed down some rocks & were pretty much on the edge of this cliff, but it had the most amazing views!

I've never been one to have patience...

Warning: The following post contains graphic details of my bodily functions! Continue at your own risk!

Which is why the 2WW is torture for me! I am 9DPO today, and this seems like the worst part of the 2ww. I KNOW it is too early to test, but is it too early for symptoms? Let me list my phantom symptoms for you: fatigue (the past 4 or 5 days I felt like I could sleep ALL day, 0 motivation to do anything), 1-5DPO my boobs were KILLING me (not so much today!). Over the past 3 days I have had 6 MONSTER pimples on my face. Not attractive at all! I have had mild cramping off & on the past couple of days. 6DPO I had Creamy to egg-white CM streaked with blood. Today I had lots of creamy CM that was brown-tinged.

My brain is going back and forth with "Maybe I am pregnant" to "Oh, don't get your hopes up, I doubt it happened this cycle". Can it just be next Wednesday already? I plan to test at 13DPO, that is when I got my BFP in February. I will NOT test earlier than that because my BFP cycle I got BFN on 10 and 11DPO (I know it was too early to test, I learned my lesson!).

I'll be sure to update!

pity party, table for one!

In the past couple of months I have had 4 friends anounce they are pregnant. All of them via Facebook no less. I am really happy for them, really! It's just so hard to see everyone else getting to experience what was taken away from me after only 6 weeks. I want SOO badly to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. I know that our time will come, and we will have the baby that we so desperately want. I just don't have a lot of patience! I know that so many of you are experiencing the same thing, and it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this journey. I know that I am at an age and point in my life where the next step for all of my friends is to have babies. I just want it to be my turn!

Pity party over. ::sigh::

Fun weekend ahead!

I'm SOO excited because C & I are going to see Nickelback this weekend!! His aunt bought the tickets for us, she is so awesome! They live about 4 hours away and that is where the concert will be. We are going down tomorrow afternoon and coming home Saturday. The concert is Friday and Hinder & Papa Roach will be there, too. I CAN'T WAIT!

Remember me?

I really need to blog more instead of just reading other people's blogs!! So it has been about a month since I last blogged I see! Things are going as well as can be expected with only having one solid income! I am SO EXCITED because C is going back to school in one month! He got school payed for through some Federal Trade Act, and we couldn't be happier! He has two years left to finish his Computer Information Systems degree. I am so hoping the economy has turned around by then and that he will have no trouble finding a job he loves! He is still able to collect unemployment for about another year, so we are putting that money into our savings account. We have a good little nest egg built up since he has been off work for the past 6 months. I am so thankful to be a nurse right now and have such great job security! That is one of the main reasons I went into nursing, along with the fact that I love helping people!

So the beginning of this month we moved into a smaller 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment and we really like it. It is the perfect size for us, even if we did have a child in the near future! Ever since I had the miscarriage in March & C lost his job, we put TTC on hold. Now that he is going back to school but still able to have a pretty good income * and savings account* we plan on TTC again! This past cycle we didn't use any birth control methods, but it did not end with a BFP! Today is CD1 (cycle day 1)! This cycle I plan on using OPK's again, that is how I got my last BFP! I charted my BBT for a few months, but I have to get up at 3:45am for work, and I only work 3 days a week (12.5 hour shifts) so I REALLY don't want to wake up that early on my days off just to take my temperature! We will see how this next cycle goes!

I am really looking forward to October 8-19th because I am going back to Indiana to visit with family and friends!! C's brother is getting married so it is a great excuse to go back home!! I CANNOT wait to see my 2 year old twin nephews, my mom, my BFF, and the rest of my family! my SIL keeps posting pictures on Facebook and I can't believe how much I am missing out on! I am going to spoil them rotten when I go back!!!!

Well this was a whole lot of rambling....what can I say, today was my 2nd out of 3 12 hour workdays and it was HELL. Pure craziness....I guess that is what you get when you are the ONLY nurse for an assisted living/alzheimers facility that houses roughly 100 people!

Great Giveaway!

Shasta over at My Blonde Reality is having a great GIVEAWAY! She is giving away three amazing skincare products for the summer! Check it out!

I have a blog!?

I haven't blogged in almost 4 months! I'm sure the few followers I had have forgotten who I am by now (not that there was anything special to begin with ;) Things have been a little crazy since my last post, I will try to catch you up!

1) C has yet to find another job. However, the job he got laid of from in October is part of some federal trade act that will pay for you to go to school for 2 years, and still pay you unemployment. We just found out last week that he got approved for this!! We are beyond thrilled! This is the best thing that could have happened, way better than him just getting any old job. He should be able to finish his degree in 2 years (he already has 2 years in)! Today he started the long process of getting everything set up to start school this fall (which isn't that far away!?)

2) Obviously since we lost half of our income, we have put TTC on hold. We are both sad about this but we know it is the best thing for us at this time. My cycles have been a little messed up since I have the miscarriage, so I am hoping when we do TTC again everything will be in working order!

3) My mom flew me back to Indiana the beginning of June and it was the absolute best thing ever and something I needed SOO badly! Since it takes a whole day to travel from Northwest Washington to Indiana, I really only had 3 days there. I got to see pretty much my whole family, my best friend and my nephews! Now I only have to wait 3 more months and we will be going back to my BIL's wedding! C is SO excited to go back and see his friends!

4) Since our income is less than we would like, we are hoping to move into a smaller 2 bed, 2 bath apartment next month. We are currently renting a 3 bed, 2 bath which is a lot more than we need! We use the 3rd bedroom for all of our extra junk that we don't know what to do with! We should find out Friday if the tenant is for sure moving out. If so, we are good to go! It will save us about $110 a month, which would be AWESOME!

Overall, we have managed pretty well with C's unemployment income and my income. Luckily we had built a pretty good cushion before he lost his job, so we are doing okay! It sucks having to watch every penny we spend, but I know we are blessed to still have the things we do (especially each other!) I am a little worried because we don't know 100% for sure that he will get the unemployment (or for how long). Please say a prayer that he will be covered for the next year at least!

In other news, we had the final weigh in for our work Weight Loss Challenge. I lost a total of 13 pounds, . I didn't win the challenge, but I am glad that I have a good start on my weight loss journey. I have about 20 pounds to go until I am back to my pre-marriage weight! I lost my motivation for a while after the miscarriage, but I have found it again!!

Too much of a good thing.

My weight on Friday was down 4 pounds! That is a lot for one week, so I don't expect to see much loss this next week. Especially since I overate on Friday & Saturday. I don't know what got into me! For some reason I didn't care how many points a piece (or 2) of Papa Murphey's pizza was. Or the margarita I had. Or the piece (or 2) of chocolate cake. What the hell!? I am SO mad at myself for eating all of that CRAP. I feel like crap now and when I weighed myself this morning (which was stupid) I was up 2 pounds. Blah...that is how I feel right now. It doesn't help that AF is knockin' on my door. I'm crabby in general today. I have a huge pot of chili left over from yesterday and if my husband doesn't eat it ALL today I am throwing it out. Otherwise I will eat all of it because it is one of my favorite foods! There were too many temptations for me Friday & Saturday and my willpower was no where to be found.

Speaking of willpower, I still haven't been to the gym...I need get my shit together and start going to the gym and STOP eating the crap food. My weight isn't going to lose itself now is it? I didn't think so. I know 2 days of bad food doesn't mean everything is ruined....I just have to make better choices and learn to say NO! Ok, I feel better now. I WILL do better!

Weigh in day!

I have officially been on Weight Watchers for a week now. It has been a lot easier than I thought! I was worried it would be a ton of work trying to figure out how many points I was eating, but it's not at all. I think once you get past the first week, and have figured out point values for most of the foods you eat ( I tend to stick to the same things...chicken, LOTS of chicken!) it's simple really!

So with the 20 pounds in 20 weeks challenge, we are supposed to weigh in on Friday's. I decided to weigh in today because it has been a week since I started WW. I lost 3 pounds!!! I lost the few pounds that I gained while I was pregnant (for all of 6 1/2 weeks!). My goal is to get down another 27 pounds, and then I will go from there. I have 27 pounds to go until I'm at the weight I was when I got married. I can do it!!!

Now I just need to get my butt in gear and go to the gym!!

So, I'm fertile.

Yep, it's true. I am fertile and we can't try this month. We tried for 7 months and now I KNOW I am probably the most fertile I have ever been, and it is going to waste. This makes me very sad. I have heard that you can be more fertile after a miscarriage, but I didn't know if it was true or not. Today I have had an abundance of EWCM, the most I have ever had. To top it off, all I can think about is trying to make another baby....that is ALL that I want to do! Blah.

If C hadn't lost his job, we probably would have went ahead and tried this cycle. I know the doctor said to wait 2-3 cycles, but we wouldn't have been able to. Now that C is unemployed, that changes everything. I know it would be pretty irresponsible of us to TTC right now, but what I want more than anything is to be a mother. Everyone I know is pregnant, or just had babies. I am so happy for them, but when is it going to be my turn?!

Ok, vent over.

Fresh start.

If you read this blog (all 7 of you:) then you know I was doing pretty good on my weight loss journey before I got pregnant. I had lost about 9 pounds in 5 weeks! When I got pregnant, I guess I thought I didn't need to watch what I ate anymore....BAD IDEA! I gained 3 pounds back, and now I'm not even pregnant anymore, no excuses! I dusted off my weight watchers stuff and got to work Monday! I went through my kitchen and figured out how many points most of the food I eat are. It will make things a lot easier for me. I have a big list of the main foods I eat, how many points they are per serving, etc. Then yesterday I went through the complete dining guide book and highlighted everything that I eat or felt was important, so that it would be easier to find. I can have 31 points per day, and you get 35 extra points per week (incase you go over on any given day, have a special night out, or drink alcohol). Hopefully I won't have to use to extra points, but it's nice knowing they are there and if I want a little something, I can have it and not ruin everything. Weight watchers makes my weight loss journey a lot simpler!!

Yesterday was my first full day on it, and I did great. I had 1 point left last night so I thought that was pretty good. Overall, I was pretty satisfied for most of the day. It's hard though when I get up at 3:45 am & have to eat breakfast that early. I feel like I have to stretch my snacks out further, because I don't get home until about 6 at night. Luckily I only work 3 days a week. I am more worried about my days off, if I am at home with nothing much to do. I am a bored/lazy eater, and I have to stop that NOW! I follow AshisFit (you should check it out!) and she is starting a "20 pounds in 20 weeks" challenge. I joined, because I think it's great to have that extra accountability. She has lost 81 pounds, doing everything the right way: eating right, portion control, and exercise. She realized it wasn't about dropping weight fast, it's about losing it the healthy way and keeping it off. She is definitely an inspiration!!!!

Besides the obvious reasons of wanting to lose weight, and I really just want to get healthier. I want to be in better shape physically & mentally when I get pregnant again. C & I had a talk and decided that we wouldn't start trying again until I lose 20 pounds (at least). That is about 10% of my weight. I would love to lose the 30 pounds I have gained in the past year since we got married!!! I know I can do it, I just have to keep focused. If any of you are on a similar journey, how are you doing?! I'd like to hear from you!!!!

C lost his job!

It has taken me all night to be able to sit down and write this. I am still pretty angry! C sent me a text message at 5:30 last night saying that he didn't pass his 90 day evaluation. Ummm, WHAT? He said his boss told him he wasn't that great of a salesperson and he had to let him go. I was PISSED. C was a GREAT employee, did anything and everything asked of him. He worked 60 hours a week without complaint. His boss called the store one day while C was there by himself. There were 2 customers in the store that C was helping. His boss pretended to be a customer asking questions, trying to get C to sell him something over the phone. I guess C didn't perform up to this jackasses standards, so that is why he let him go.

Well, about 2 hours after C came home, 2 of his coworkers came by to talk to him. Apparently the boss told them that he already has someone lined up for the job. His friend is moving up here from California and needs a job ASAP. Starting to sound fishy, huh!? We knew there was another reason behind him firing C. The 90 day evaluation was his easy way out, because otherwise there was no reason to fire him. Needless to say, we had lots of margaritas last night. It did end up being a GREAT night anyway ;)

C is going to the unemployment office today. Hopefully he can collect, he was only there for 3 months. Say a prayer that he can collect unemployment!!!!

It's finally over.

I had my follow up appointment this morning with my OB. My beta hcg was down to 6, I'm so glad! He was very glad that I miscarried on my own, & my levels were down to normal so that I don't need a D&C! Yay! He also gave me the go ahead to "get intimate" tonight as he put it LOL. I am SOO excited for that. I went & saw C at work and I told him there would be margaritas waiting for him when he got home! ;) It's been almost 3 weeks since any action has taken place in our bedroom, I am in desperate need of some lovin'!

The doctor also said that since my vitamin D level was 13.1 (normal is 30-100!!) that may have played a factor in my miscarriage. He said to give wait about 2-3 cycles so that my vitamin D level can reach normal limits and that will give my body enough time to hopefully recover and have regular cycles! He said "I think you should get pregnant in June, that would give you a February baby!" lol, I do not know his reasons for this, but it sounded pretty good to me. Except that June seems kind of far away! We'll have to see what happens =)

I am so blessed.

I could not ask for better family or friends. They have all been SO wonderful through this entire ordeal. My mom sent me flowers on Wednesday, then I came home yesterday from shopping and I had more flowers on my doorstep from my work. Everyone is so thoughtful. I will be glad when I stop bleeding and we can move on!

Last night C & I were laying in bed talking and I told him that I don't know if I want to TTC right away. He said "Let's just give it our best and if it happens, great. If not, we'll try again the next month." I love him. He has such a positive outlook on everything. He has been my rock through this entire thing. I know he wants to be a dad so badly, and I want nothing more than to be a mother! Hopefully the next time we get a BFP, it will be a sticky baby =)

I am off to go shopping with my friend & her 3 little kiddos. That should keep me busy for the day! =)

Not for the faint of heart.

I am the kind of person that will lay it all out there for you. I don't hide anything, or hold back. So since yesterday I have been bleeding heavily, but that is it really. Tonight as I was standing in the kitchen talking to C, I felt something....different. I ran to the bathroom and looked at my pad & there was a GOLFBALL sized tissue clot. It looked different than anything I have ever seen (which makes sense since I have never had a miscarriage). It was pretty disturbing to see. I came out of the bathroom and C just looked at me like I don't even want to know. He wants me to feel better, but he doesn't care to know all of the gory details. After that I sat down to eat my dinner and as I got up to put my bowl in the sink, it happened again. Not as big as the previous one, and looked just like a normal blood clot, just on a much bigger scale than I am used to seeing.

I guess I didn't expect to see anything different because the doctor told me I wouldn't. I think my body has different ideas. I will be SOOOO flipping glad when all of this is over. The pain is horrible, please end soon!!

Beginning of the end

I woke up yesterday morning to horrible cramps and it was soon followed by very heavy bleeding. As the day wore on, it just kept getting worse. Advil didn't touch the pain that I was having. Horrible low back pain and cramps like I have never experienced before. In addition to the heavy bleeding, there are tons of clots, too. =( I am glad that my body is doing this on it's own, and that it started right away. I don't have very much patience & I am ready for this to be over so that we can try again.

Luckily my boss covered for me yesterday and it was C's day off as well. Having a day off with him was definitely what I needed. He takes such great care of me, I love him so much. We went furniture shopping and finally found a coffee table/end table set that we love. We had a wonderful day together. I made chili & cornbread last night and we had his parents over & watched a movie. After they left he kept asking me if there was anything he could do for me. He had me lay on the couch and got me the heating pad and laid down with me. I married the best man ever, I can't imagine going through this with anyone else. Yesterday was my last day of work for this week anyway, so now I am off until Monday. I am glad that will give me lots of time to deal with this myself, and be able to handle the questions at work!

This sums it up quite well.

I found this on another blog, and it sums up perfectly how I am feeling.

"After a miscarriage, you grieve for a person you never knew, and for a relationship that ended before it really began. You grieve not for a person who has lived and died but for an unlived life. You grieve for the loss of your future as the parent of the baby who has died. You are sad not just because of what you have lost but because of what will never be."

It's over.

I had my ultrasound this morning which showed that I we had lost the baby. The doctor confirmed that it probably stopped developing early on and I will eventually completely miscarry. They are going to recheck my beta hcg level in 10 days to make sure I am miscarrying on my own. Needless to say it's been a very hard day for me. C couldn't make it to the appointment with me due to his job, so I had to brave it on my own. I'm at a loss right now. I want this to be over so we can move on and try again.

I will always love you baby!

It's not good.

It took all day, but I finally got my beta results. To begin with, they are low for where I am supposed to be at (6w1d). Saturday's result was 289, today's result was 257. It went down =( The nurse said it isn't good, I will probably miscarry. I have to go in for an ultrasound in the morning just to check and see if there is a baby there. This is SO HARD! I started crying on the phone with the nurse first. Then I had to call my boss and tell her I needed someone to cover tomorrow morning, and I was bawling on the phone. I finally called my mom and I just completely lost it. She feels horrible because she is 2,700 miles away and can't be with me. I don't think I have cried as hard as I did today since my dad died. I know there isn't really a comparison, but I really may be losing my first baby =( Chris was pretty quiet when I told him and all he could say was "It will all be okay. We will try again and it will be okay" I don't think he knew what to tell me over the phone to make me feel better. I can't wait until he gets home from work. He is trying to get ahold of his boss so he can come with me to the appointment tomorrow morning. I really hope he can come with me, I don't want to go alone.

So, the spotting has turned to a darker red. It looks like it does when I first start my period. I am also cramping off and on, but mainly having pain in my lower back (which I always did during my period). I am trying to have a little bit of hope that there will be something there tomorrow on the ultrasound, but I'm need to accept the fact that there probably isn't. What a crappy day!! I'll update tomorrow when I know more.

One down, one to go.

I had my first hcg drawn this morning. It sucks that I am going to have to wait until Monday afternoon to know for sure if baby is growing like he/she should be! Funny thing was my MIL was at the lab when I got there this morning! I had to tell her what was going on, which made me very emotional. I kind of had a break down and she didn't really know what to say to me. She asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her to which I replied YES! Anything to get my mind off of this!

We went to the mall and it was a great day. If 5 hours of shopping doesn't make you feel better, I don't know what does! I got 2 tshirts at Jcpenny's for $9 each! Then I found a cute tote bag at Macy's for $20, and a cute sweatshift for $17. Not too bad! MIL said the tote bag is cute and could be used as a diaper bag, she is probably right! Then we found the baby section at Macy's. OMG the cute stuff they have! I found another cute gender neutral outfit with yellow ducks!! I know my cellphone doesn't take the greatest pics, but it's all I had! Look at the cute hood!!! I fell in love with this set. It has a cute onesie, pants with ducks on them, and this hooded jacket!! Then MIL found a very plush stuffed yellow duck that matches perfectly.
Then she found this perfect white plush baby blanket which a white ribbon that runs along the edge. It is exactly what I wanted for a baby blanket!! It's beautiful, and sooo soft! I can't wait to wrap my little baby in it!
Needless to say we had a good day. After shopping we went to a great little mexican restaurant. YUMM. I am trying really hard to be optimistic and KNOW that this baby is here to stay!!!!

Oh baby, why must you make me worry?

So I woke up to some pinkish/brown spotting this morning and some pretty wicked cramping. I tried to tell myself that it was normal and it would go away soon! Well, it didn't. I have been cramping off and on all day, with a little spotting here and there. I finally called the doctor's office and spoke with the nurse. She was SO nice! She said since I am only 5 weeks 5 days pregnant the best thing to do would be to check my Hcg levels and make sure they are doubling every 48 hours. I go in tomorrow morning and then Monday morning & I won't find out until Monday afternoon what the levels are. I am pretty nervous! I hate that it's the weekend, and the lab isn't open on Sunday! Oh well, it's out of my control anyway.

To take my mind off of it I decided to go to the mall and look around. Kohl's had some great baby clothes on clearance. I found the cutest Christmas outfit that I think could go either way (boy or girl). It was on clearance for $2.40!! I know it is crazy to think about Christmas again, but baby is due 2 months before then!




I also decided to take a *blurry* cell phone picture of myself while I was in the dressing room. I am a big girl to begin with, so it is going to take a long time before you can even tell I am pregnant (if you will EVER be able to, I may just look fat lol).

I think my boobs have grown quite a bit! Lord help me when I make it to 40 weeks lol

I am going to clean the house now to keep my mind busy!! Say a prayer for me this weekend if you get a chance please!!

Good day!

I have the best BFPB! Morgan sent me a cute card and a little ladybug that is supposed to bring good luck & good fortune! It is so cute! I put it in my purse so that it will be with me all of the time! Thanks again Morgan!! I hope you get your BFP soon!

On another note, I don't know if I have mentioned Everyday Minerals on here or not, but I am going to now! You definitely need to visit their site and see what all they have to offer. First of all, they have a sample kit that is FREE that you can order! You just pay S&H. They send you small sample sizes of the foundation, concealer, and blush of your choice. I fell in love with it!! I have used Bare Minerals before, and while I loved the product, I didn't love the price. Everday Minerals is at least half of what Bare Minerals costs! They have kits that you can order (either 6 piece, or 12 piece) and you pick what you want in those kits. I ordered it on Sunday and it got here today! I ordered the 12 piece kit & I don't think I will have to buy anymore makeup for the rest of the year at least! I got 3 foundations *different coverage*, 2 blushes, 3 eyeshadows, 1 concealer, and 3 makeup brushes. They sent me 2 free gifts, a full size finishing powder & full size bronzer! I am so happy and can't wait to try out the new stuff tomororw!!! The makeup covers WONDERFULLY, stays on all day (even through working out!). So I bet you are wondering how much I paid for the 12 piece kit mentioned above?? $50! It is totally worth it and will last SO LONG! I guess you can tell that I love the makeup!

Week 5 (part 2)

I saw this pregnancy survey on Crystal & Blair's blogs, so I thought I would give it a go! It won't be very exciting, but I have to start somewhere!


How far along? 5 weeks, 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: 1 pound=(

Maternity clothes? not yet!

Stretch marks? they were there long before I got pregnant!

Sleep:is all I want to do!! I could sleep the entire 9 months away.

Best moment this week: I'm going to go with telling our family & friends, even though it was technically last week. BEST DAY EVER!

Movement: none.

Food cravings: applesauce & chips (any kind)

Gender: no dreams or thoughts one way or the other.

Labor Signs: nope.

Belly Button in or out? still in.

What I miss: having energy!

What I am looking forward to: my 1st doctor's appointment & ultrasound on March 13th!

Weekly Wisdom: If you are a mother already, be nice to newly pregnant women. We WILL over-analyze every symptom or twinge that comes up. Remember when you were pregnant for the first time!

Milestones: Having a wonderful Sunday with C & his family. No nausea, or fatigue. It was a great day!

Week 5!

Your embryo (looking kind of like a tadpole) is starting to form major organs (heart, kidney, liver, stomach) and systems (nervous, circulatory, digestive). Baby's presence in your uterus triggers production of hCG (the hormone detected by pregnancy tests)... which triggers production of other hormones like estrogen and progesterone... which trigger all those great symptoms you've probably been noticing!

There's a baby in there!

So after 10 + tests, I think I finally believe that I am pregnant! Yes, I know I am crazy, I really did take 10 tests over the course of 5 days! I can't help it that the Dollar Tree sells them for $1! My first appointment is on March 13, so 3 weeks from tomorrow!!! I will be 7weeks5days at that point. They will do an ultrasound too! C & I are so excited! He was able to get off of work for the appointment, I am so glad.

At first we thought we could wait until after the first appointment to tell our family & friends. That only lasted about 1 day lol. I sent my mom an online greeting card announcing that we were having a baby. Then I called her and had her open it over the phone. She was SOOOO excited. It was awesome! We told C's parents Sunday night, they were absolutely thrilled. This will be their first grandchild. The news pretty much spread from there. Our grandparents, & brothers know. Then I decided to post it on Myspace & Facebook so that my friends & family back home would know. I just couldn't keep it to myself!! Most of my coworkers know too, because they knew we were trying.

I really didn't think that any symptoms would set in so early, but they have. My nipples are beyond sensitive. C grabbed them last night and I yelled at him and told him they are off limits for now! I have been VERY tired, like I could just sleep the 9 months away. I woke up at 9:30 this morning, went back to sleep at 1, and woke up at 4. It was great! I have had bad headaches almost everyday. Don't get me started on the heartburn either! Between the heartburn and headaches, I have been feeling pretty nauseated. It's going to be a long 9 months! It is so worth it though, I wouldn't trade this for the world!!!

I can't wait until our first appointment so we can see the baby, and the heartbeat and know for sure that everything is okay!!!

Best Valentine's Day EVER!!

I decided to test again this morning since AF didn't show....and I got my BFP!!!! All I had was a digital, and it said "Pregnant"! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! I thought for sure AF was on her way. I've had a little brown spotting for the past couple of days. So, I had to run out to Rite Aid and get more tests, just to make sure I really was pregnant, because you know 4 tests are better than 1 LOL

WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!!!!! I am going to call my doctor on Monday and let her know the good news. I was going to wait until tonight to tell C, but he called me earlier and I couldn't keep it to myself. He was SO EXCITED. He said "are you sure, really sure?" I said yes, 3 tests told me I was pregnant, I think it's for real! He is so excited. He is going to be an awesome daddy!!!! Just going off of my O date, and LMP, my due date is October 25, 2009. I can't wait to see you baby, I already love you SO MUCH!

Never alone

So lately I have been feeling very lonely. It's hard being home alone so much! C works 60 hours a week. I have 4 days off a week, with not much to occupy my time! I have a couple of friends through work, but they work on my days off. So at my doctor's appointment today, that was part of the discussion. So I was having a rough day, until I was on my way home tonight. This song "Never Alone" came on the radio. It was JUST what I needed to hear!! I started crying and then I just smiled and started thanking God for reminding me to believe in Him and that I am NEVER alone! Please click on the song title, because I don't know how to add a video!

Onto Cycle #7

BFN for me! I know I'm only 11DPO, however I started spotting pretty good this morning. Booo, stay away AF!! I had a pretty good breakdown with C last night. I told him I just KNEW this wasn't our cycle. Such a good hubby, he just held me until I felt better. He said "NEXT month, next month it will happen!" I love how optimistic he is! He is my everything.

My insurance finally kicked in this month, so I was able to go to the doctor today. I needed to talk about some medication I am on....sooo, in walks this perfectly cute PREGNANT doctor. Oh, the irony. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She was very nice though, I really like her. She totally supported charting, and asked if I had gotten the book TCOYF. She seemed like someone from TheBump, talking about Dollar Tree tests and all lol! I had some routine lab work done, and thankfully the girl managed to not mutilate my arm. C called right when I was leaving and all I could say was "She was PREGNANT!!!!" He just laughed and said "Ohhh, that's tough." lol, we had a good laugh about it.

Tonight we are doing our taxes, say a prayer that we don't mess up!!! =)

Poor hubby!

C has been sick since yesterday=( He is the most pitiful sick person I have ever seen (and trust me, I've seen a lot!). I finally convinced him to come home from work early last night. He took a bath and I put him to bed. Aww such a good wife! lol...Neither of us slept well last night, he kept waking me up "Do I feel warm to you?" Most of the time he was BURNING up, I didn't have to check his temp. to know he had a fever! Thankfully he decided to stay home from work today and rest up. This actually gives us a WHOLE weekend off together! Lots of snuggle time, even if he is sick! =)

On the weight-loss front, I have been to the gym the past 4 days BY MYSELF! That is a huge accomplishment for me. I was always too worried about what other people thought....who cares! I got over my fear and I actually like going by myself! Gives me time to clear my head.

I finally signed up for FF VIP. They were offering 6 months for $25, I couldn't pass that up! I am 6DPO, so I will probably test around V-Day unless AF shows before then! **fingers crossed she doesn't show**

Must work out!

I am meeting my friend Sarah at the gym at 2. I HAVE to start working out again! I didn't go for an entire week, and I felt like crap! C & I went last night for the first time again, and man it kicked my ass. Sad, isn't it? I also ordered the Weight Watchers at home kit this week. Sarah & I are going to do that together. I really think it will be easier for me than just trying to count calories. I did WW a few years ago, and it worked well until I stopped doing it! I was still able to eat the foods that I loved, and not deprive myself.

In TTC news, I am now 4DPO! I will probably be testing around Valentine's Day. How exciting would it be to get my BFP then!! If I don't get it this month, I am going to start temping/charting again. I got my copy of TCOYF yesterday and I haven't been able to put it down. It's my new favorite book I think. If I don't get a BFP this cycle, then next cycle I will be temping right around our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!! That would be SO AWESOME, what a great anniversary gift! I can't believe we have been married almost a year!

C is up to something! He is planning something for Valentine's Day AND our anniversary. He really is a sweetheart =) I just LOVE HIM TO PIECES!!!

woot!

C is back in my good graces today. damn, it is so easy! I can't help it I love him =) I met him for lunch today and afterwards I thought I would go to Wal-Mart to get some digital OPK's. They were pretty cheap there, I was very happy with my purchase. That is the ONLY reason I went there. I hate wal mart, cannot STAND that place. It is always filled with tons a nasty white-trash SLOW people. I mean slow in more than one way. To prove my point let me fill you in on my checkout experience.

The girl grabs my digital opk's and looks at it for what seemed like ever. This is what she said to me:

Check out girl: So you have a sick baby at home?

Me: Um, what? *with a wtf kind of ? is that look on my face*

Check out girl: Well you are buying a thermometer, I just thought you had a sick baby at home.

Me: Umm, no. That is not a thermometer. I grab my bag and high-tail it out of there.

I'm guessing she thought I had a sick baby at home because there was a picture of a baby on it!? I don't know. That just reaffirms why I don't shop there. Damn place and their low prices!

The only good part that came out of that is that I finally got a +++++OPK with a digital. No denying it! I thought I had a ++ the other day, but I didn't know for sure (it was the test with the lines). I decided to just go buy some digital ones so I don't have to work so hard to figure it out lol.
Woot!! Sorry the pic is kind of blurry, but I think you can see the smiley face! C is gettin' lucky tonight!! What is even better than that is his parents are taking us out to eat for his birthday....free dinner, free drinks, AND fun when we get home! =)

Lazy...

...is what I have been since Wednesday! I haven't been to the gym since Wednesday night with C. I have had the last 2 days off and what have I done? Sit on my ass. Boo. Yesterday I did manage to clean the entire house....only because C was an ass and decided to go out with his friends after work after telling me he would be home. He came home with his tail between his legs, so I think he knows whats up.

I would like to think our BD session Thurs. night counts as exercise. Of course it did, it was fantastic. ;-) Today I am going to do a little shopping and go see C at his new store.

Tomorrow it's back to work! At least I'll be up moving around for 12 hours instead of on my ass at home! Just trying to look on the bright side. =)

Working out is fun!

C & I have been going to the gym almost every night since we joined on the 15th. I have to say at first it was difficult, but it's getting a little easier everyday. He is really pushing me/encouraging me and keeping me going! At first I was just doing the elliptical machine for 30 minutes, but Saturday night I started doing strength training, too. Yesterday morning when I woke up, my legs hurt like hell!! But it's the good kind of hurt, no pain no gain (or loss!) Last night was probably the most difficult yet on the elliptical because my legs were so worn out from the night before. I did 15 minutes on that and then did strength training for my arms for about 30 minutes. C likes showing me how the machines work, so I just follow him around. =) He keeps telling me what I great job I'm doing, and that really helps!

So I got to work this morning and weighed myself. Ready for it??

I know it's not a lot, but I only started this on the 9th, so I feel pretty good with my 6.5 pound loss! To everyone that is working on getting healthy, keep it up!

Left out.

That is how I have been feeling lately, just left out of everything. I miss my friends and family back in Indiana. It seems as if everyone has moved on and forgotten about me (I know they haven't, I'm just having a great pity party here!). My best friend back home just texted me that she is having a rough day. I hate that I can't be there to make her feel better. And I hate that she isn't here with me when I am having a bad day. I hope she can come visit soon!!

Enough of the pity party though....C and I have went to the gym the last two nights, woo hoo! I haven't died yet LOL =) Last night I did the elliptical machine for 30 minutes and it kicked my butt. I knew I was out of shape, but WOW. I know tonight is going to be even worse though, but I just have to get through it. I will lose weight this time!!

My weight loss for week 1 was -3lbs. YAY!

Keep it up!!

I know it's only been a few days since I started my "lifestyle change" but the first few days & weeks are the most difficult! I have been doing great sticking to healthier choices and keeping my calories under control. I am pretty proud of myself! C seems to be pretty proud of me too, which really makes me feel good! I think he knows I am serious this time about getting healthy. We were driving to Wal-Mart today to get my MP3 player (yay!) and I told him I just want to feel better but look better too when we go back home to Indiana in October. He told me I already look great and I don't need to change anything. I love my husband! I just want to get healthier!! I know I can do it!

So I am reading The Best Life Diet and it has taught me so much!! Things I should have known being a nurse and all, but I never really thought about! So there are phases to this life diet you have to go through. I am obviously in phase one which is supposed to last at least 4 weeks. The really hard part about phase one is not weight myself again for another 4 weeks! I am one of those crazy girls that likes to weight every other day LOL even though I know it isn't accurate. This is going to teach me about patience right? =)

I am so excited because C agreed that I needed an MP3 player to work out with! I can't do it without music, how boring! I didn't get a really expensive or fancy one, but I like it! It's pink! I have been busy putting all of my favorite music on it! Now if only I could figure out how to make a playlist lol. I am not the most technilogically savvy person. I may have to go get C to help me soon.

We are going to his parents house for dinner tonight. I am excited because his parents are AWESOME. I am truly blessed with great in-laws. They would (and have done) anything for us. They moved us across the country, pretty great huh? We haven't seen them in about 2 weeks which is a long time for us considering they only live a few miles away. Hopefully she is making something healthy! If not, it's all about portion control!

I hope everyone has a great week! I work Mon-Wed, my 3 12 hour shifts then I'm off for 3 days, YAY!

Weigh In!

We started our weight loss challenge at work today. It will run until July 5th. There were probably 15 people that joined! We each had to pay $25 to join the challenge...the exciting thing is that whoever loses the biggest percentage of weight loss at the end wins 90% of the pot! The 2nd place winner gets 10%. I told C I AM GOING TO WIN!!! I decided before this challenge that I was going to make a change and finally get this weight off FOR GOOD. This just gives me a LOT of extra incentive to want to lose the weight! We are joining a gym through work for an awesome price! We start on the 15th (they only start new members twice a month). So until then I am going to do exercise videos at home.

I am so proud of myself because I went to the grocery store after I weighed in and I did not succumb to any temptations!!! Everything I bought was healthy (a few things weren't, but they were for C:) I thought I was going to spend a TON of money, but I came out at only $110. Gotta love my Safeway Club Card! I am ready for this!! Time to go work out! =)

Good luck to all the girls in the GP weight loss challenge! You can do it!

Time for a change!

It's been far too long since I have blogged. My birthday, Christmas, and New Year's have come and gone! I can't believe it is 2009 already! I remember worrying that the world was going to end in 2000....haha that seems like so long ago! I have never been one to make new year's resolutions, and I don't really know that this is a "New Year's Resolution".

So, I'll give you a little background into my life! I have been overweight my entire life. I do not remember ever NOT worrying about my weight or what size I was wearing. When I graduated highschool almost 6 years ago, I weighed around 205lbs. I stayed that way until I entered nursing school. Let me tell you that the amount of time you spend on your butt in class and studying, you eat A LOT! We would eat out lunch everyday. I gained about 40 pounds my final year of college! Needless to say, it was time for a change. Right before graduation, I made some HUGE changes in my life (breaking off an engagement, deciding it was time to lose weight). Over the course of the next year (from 2006-2007) I lost about 50lbs. I met my husband, and was engaged in June 2007. I maintained my weight with the use of prescription drugs which I wish I NEVER would have taken! After our wedding in March 2008 I decided I should stop taking the medication. Big surprise, I have gained about 30 pounds since then!!

There have been other major life changing events over the past year an a half. My dad passed away suddenly in October 2007. Then my husband and I moved across the country this past October. I left everyone and everything I have ever known!! The past few months I have just been eating more and more when I have nothing to do. I work 3 12 hour shifts a week which leaves me with 4 days off! I have to find something to fill my time!!

So anyway, this is turning out to be longer than I thought!! My mom came out to visit over New Year's and she looked AWESOME! My mom has struggled with her weight her entire life as well. Over the past 5 months or so she has started eating healthier and working out and I was so proud of her! It really inspired me to change my lifestyle. I HAVE to make a change. I do not want to get pregnant at the point I am right now and then gain even MORE weight...I would be miserable! I know my husband wants me to just be HEALTHY...he really doesn't care about the weight. I love him for that! He is the only person I have truly ever felt that loves me unconditionally. He is my inspiration to be a better ME. I want to be healthy for us, for our future children so that I can live for a LONG TIME!

So that leads me to my "resolution" to live a better life! I got the book "The Better Life Diet" and I love it. It rocked me to my core pretty much. It is the wake up call I need to change my life. I know that there is no quick fix anymore. I have to work hard to get where I want to be. Chris & I are joining a gym. I inspired my boss to sign up for a group rate at the local gym and we are doing a weight loss contest as well. It starts January 20 and goes to July 5th. Even more motivation!

So I will be brutally honest and put it ALL out there. I have to face my reality so that I can change it. I weighed myself today and the scale said 234. It is about time I make a change!!!

I also joined the GP 2.1 weight loss challenge! Good luck to everyone!